I've chosen a life-path of constant learning.  It is true that you get what you ask for... and everything has a price; so be careful :)

I remember asking the Universe for a lady with a very specific set of characteristics and qualities.  I developed this list because I had been married before and tried dating several women who 'were not a fit'.  

I know I'm a challenge to live with.  I'm self-centered, egotistical, delusional, secretive and often half out of reality.  I'm not very well house trained and communicate much better with animals than with humans.  I tend to become emotionally attached to projects (mostly vehicles) that I work on.

Two of the things I had on the list are appropriate for this blog.  I asked for a woman who would speak her mind, because I'm really obtuse. I was tired of my significant other being angry at me while I had no clue why.  I also asked to learn how to relate to women.

I met Tenaj (DaCosta) in early 1997, first by email, then physically a few months later and been married to her since September, 1999.  Living with her is the greatest joy in my life.  Not to say that it's all been fun... or easy... for her.  I think great joy comes from great challenges.  

I got MUCH more than I asked for.  I feel extraordinarily blessed.  

She, on the other hand... got the raw end of the deal.  While I have made significant progress, becoming a socially acceptable human, has been slow and has cost her dearly (in many ways I won't go into here).  

So the question is:  Why would she stick with me?  Why would she continue to help me when any other sane woman would have left my sorry self.

To answer that question for myself, I watch her interaction with people everyday.  She has a heart that needs (like she needs to breathe air) to help others help themselves to achieve their goals.  She is very good at it, having  dedicated years of study to supplement her amazing instincts. First she really listens, at all levels, feeling what is REALLY going on.  So, when she starts to speak, she cuts right through the delusions and denial that people (like me) use to keep themselves in a comfort zone.   Hey, I didn't say living with her is easy ;)  I said it was joyful.

I think she has stuck by me because I am honestly trying to get better, if I fall off the wagon, I get back on.  I think that she is nearly incapable of refusing help to anyone who is honestly trying to be better than they were yesterday.  Did the Universe give me what I needed or what?

She is, however, also perfectly capable of letting people fall on their face if they don't want help (even though it costs her to let them fall).

So... three things I appreciate are:

1. Her ability to clearly articulate her thoughts and feelings.

2. That she has no trouble speaking up for herself or others.

3. Her ability to see, and evaluate, both people and situations... coming to answers and/or solutions that are accurate, insightful, and often uniquely applicable.

I got what I asked for, and much more.  I'm thankful for every day I get to spend with Tenaj.  My (obviously biased) opinion, from experience, is that Tenaj can help anyone develop their Best Self.