I had several invitations to Christmas Day dinner(one of which I had even accepted), when I was visiting with my Mother, and my older sister came to check on my Mother before Sis went to bed as she was working the next day. She mentioned that they were have a family supper on Friday( they are not religious, so they do not do  Christmas dinner). Instead of listening to my instincts and despite the other invitation, I accepted with the plan on apologetically declining the earlier invitation( I know I am such a bad person). I should of realized that something was off when I very reluctantly showered late in the day and got ready to go to my sister's place for the dinner (it was my small inner voice telling me that this was a bad idea), sure enough it was just as bad as in the past. There is nothing worst for me then being in a group and feeling unwelcome, especially when the group is mostly made up of "so called family".

I know we are suppose to love Christmas and family but for me I would rather spend the time by myself next year rather then go through another lousy family dinner.

I wonder if my Dad felt as much an outsider in our family as I do most of the time. I pray that was not the case but I suspect that it wasn't as he and I are very much alike in personality, as well being belittled for our ideas, and just being ourselves.